


Again

by A3Notes



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: AU, Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Highschool AU, Shoujo AU, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 13:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20243680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A3Notes/pseuds/A3Notes
Summary: "I won't go."





	1. Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> happy heat haze :)))  
i wrote a highschool au with some fun references to the actual show,, enjoy

How would someone describe Ayano Tateyama?

Loyal. Friendly. Always smiling.

She wasn’t a model student in any way; nor was she the best at sport either. Regardless, people liked her. She was genuine in a way most other people weren’t. If it weren’t for her late mother, she’d also be considered to be incredibly innocent--having such a pure outlook on the world wasn’t something most people still had.

That’s what Shintaro Kisaragi thought of her.

Well, and one other thing on top of that--she was incredibly annoying.

From the way she either barely passed or outright failed her subjects (and always, always, asked him for help) to the nagging and the dragging whenever she saw him. What was so interesting about him, anyway? Why did she care so much? It was really strange to him, someone who didn’t really have any other friends apart from her.

Although--he was sort of part of the group she had always dragged him to. The members of that group were Haruka Kokonose, Takane Enomoto and of course, herself--Ayano Tateyama.

(Ah, and how could he forget? Ayano had found his collection of shoujo manga and has been using that as blackmail since to drag him to that group.)

And why was Shintaro Kisaragi thinking about this, at this very moment in time?

At the moment he was seated in the cafeteria, with the aforementioned group, idly staring into space. Occasionally, he poked at his food, sometimes he actually ate, but more than anything--he wasn’t having a good time. Haruka was absolutely stuffing himself with food, while Takane was staring blankly at her most recent test score. She had laid it out on the table instead of eating, and the look on her face was sort of funny to glance at. Ayano had started staring at it too, in what Shintaro thinks is ‘awe.’

  
“How did you get a score lower than mine?”

Takane doesn’t reply. In fact, she doesn’t even move in the slightest. The dumb, blank stare is still plastered on her face as if she’s still in shock.

Haruka replies for her, by shrugging. He offers both Ayano and Takane some of his food, which Takane doesn’t take and Ayano refuses politely. From the looks of it, there was going to be another “study session” where Takane breaks out of her persona and begs for help and Ayano shrugs casually as though she didn’t fail. Shintaro starts to feel real pity for the both of them, and only really goes to the study sessions out of guilt.

Where would the study session be this time? At someone’s house? The library? A cafe? In a classroom at school?

Yeah, he had no idea. It was usually up to if Haruka was hungry or not.

Takane finally moves.

“The… resubmission tests are next week.”

Ayano starts to sweat and the same dumb look appears on her face as well.

“You’re kidding, right?”

The tsundere girl shakes her head in response. “I wouldn’t lie about that. Tateyama. We’re both screwed.” She closes her eyes, lets out a long sigh, and mumbles her score over and over. “How did I only get a 2? That’s, I didn’t think, that I was that bad at math! 2! Under 10! I at least passed the other ones like English and History but to think I only got a 2 for math… Oh god…”

She continues to talk to herself for at least another minute.

“Ayano, what did you get?” Haruka asks, after finishing his last bread stick.

“30.”

… Well, at least it was better than 2. But they were both pretty below average scores--and Shintaro was back to feeling immense pity. He knows that Haruka got a score in the 90’s and he’s got a perfect 100, as usual. But despite Ayano failing, she didn’t seem to be too concerned about her grade until she heard that the resubmissions were next week.

It was a Friday.

They only had after school and the weekend to cram, and that is if either of them wanted to. Takane was about to start begging, and Ayano would come along happy go lucky, not confident about her skills but not worried either. Ah, god, Ayano was such an enigma. A pitiful, failing, enigma.

In more ways than one, Ayano was a very confusing existence to him. How could she look so happy about failing? Actually, in general--why was she so happy? Always smiling, doesn’t that kind of thing get tiring?

He guesses it was just how Ayano Tateyama simply was.

Suddenly, the girl turns to look at him.

“Help.”

Her face is still blank, although her mouth is still curved upwards--but this time, it looked more like her face was frozen in time.

A sigh escapes his mouth, and Shintaro doesn’t mean to look annoyed but he probably does. “Yeah, alright. Where, this time?” It comes out a lot more grumpy than he expects. But her reaction doesn’t change and her movements are still stagnant.

“The… library? Tomorrow and Sunday.”

The group gives each other a nod.

“Usual time?” It’s a Takane inquiry. Her eyes are almost glaring, but her hands are shaking.

“Sure.”

“Sounds good.”

“Alright.”

And that was Shintaro’s weekend gone.

\---

How would Shintaro Kisaragi describe Ayano Tateyama?

Annoying. Entertaining to watch. Likable.

But, she was also shrouded in mystery. Weirdly enough, he barely knew her apart from her surface level personality and some of her family matters. Sure, he knew her grades and could guess how she’d act and the like, but he didn’t know her birthday, what she liked or disliked, her hobbies, and how she really felt about certain things. He didn’t know if he wanted to know, either.

It was weird--she was the only one that ever bothered to get close to him, but despite that, their friendship was as basic as it could get.

There was nothing more to it, he realised.

Regardless--it was a pleasant kind of friendship. Not being too close to her meant he wouldn’t get attached so easily. In the first place he was really distant from everyone around him, except maybe his sister. The distance was lonely; but at the same time, it didn’t feel wrong. Maybe it was always meant to be this way for him, he wondered.

He stares into space rather than paying attention to the girl struggling to understand basic math in front of him.  
Really, how does she not worry about her grades? How does she not worry about anything at all? Was Ayano Tateyama as carefree as she acted? It didn’t feel… right. There was something she definitely couldn’t speak about if she was worried over nothing. Whatever that something was, it must’ve overridden everything else.

In that case, it would make sense. If there was something more pressing than her grades or friendships, then of course she’d be carefree.

But now Shintaro Kisaragi goes back to theorising about the girl still staring blankly at a math question.

Haruka has fallen asleep, and Takane is vigorously writing down answer after answer. He looks at the question she’s staring at, and he realises why she’s struggling so much.

“Psst, Tateyama. Skip it. The next one’s easier.”

She looks up, bewildered, but nods regardless. When she reads the next question, she returns to writing answers.

“Thank you,” the girl whispers, and smiles slightly.

Damn.

He can feel his palms start to sweat.

\---

If someone were to describe Ayano Tateyama, what would they say?

From another person’s perspective, it would be light hearted and meaningless. Something along the lines of, “She’s alright,” or “She’s friendly.” There’s no substance to it at all; but it wasn’t like he could say much to that. Besides, what could he say? It’d be rude to outright call her annoying or disruptive--in fact, any adjective Shintaro Kisaragi came up with to describe her would be considered offensive.

He stares at the wall in his room rather than sleeping.

A thought bounces off another thought and suddenly he’s in a maze of his own thoughts. Around and around he wonders--thoughts swirling around in his head. It’s a miracle he hasn’t gone insane.

Again, somehow, his thoughts reach again to her. He wonders himself; why did his own thoughts go back to her all the time? It’s like she was someone really important in his life--despite not even really knowing her.

It was pointless to think about it.

-

The monday of the resubmissions. He reaches his normal seat in class and hopes that they pass.

Actually, it was weird. He hadn’t seen anyone from his group this morning. And he sure as hell wasn’t early; the bell was about to ring.

But then the aforementioned girl with the red scarf slides open the door to the class with an astounding amount of force. It makes a “Bang!” noise, and everyone turns to look in her direction.

“Sorry!” she says, smiling, as her face starts to heat up from all the stares. She walks to her seat next to the window--and next to his--then sits down a millisecond before the bell goes off.

The girl turns to look at him, and they make eye contact.

“... Morning.” He says nonchalantly, and eyes the papers she’s slammed onto her desk. They’re revision papers; lots and lots of them. She’s really trying hard not to fail.

He looks at the marks, and they’re better and better every time she takes a test. At the very top of the pile is a paper with a 98.

Then he turns to look at her.

There’s no change in her appearance. In fact, she actually looks neater than usual--her ribbon is tied properly, her blouse isn’t weirdly half tucked in, her hair is brushed and looks really, really smooth. There are no crinkles in her skirt either--she’s actually ironed her uniform.

Huh.

What was with the sudden change?

Shintaro thinks about his own grades--he’s never failed to gain 1st place in every subject for the exams. His only weak spot was P.E., but even then, his grades for every other subject made up for it. He thought about Ayano--if it weren’t for some of her failing marks, he’d say she was somewhat well-rounded.

As for Haruka--he thinks back to Haruka’s medical condition. From what he’s heard, Haruka used to have a life-threatening disease, but due to some miracle he no longer has that condition. However, Haruka’s been advised to not do much sport--and as a result, he was rather weak physically. Yet, Haruka was able to make up for it by being naturally smart--well, maybe not naturally smart, he could understand math concepts easily but for subjects with a lot of writing, Haruka lacked, somewhat.

And then--there was Takane. She came to know Haruka because she was put in the same class as him--a special class for those people with medical problems. Her problem wasn’t as bad as Haruka’s, but it resulted in her not wanting to do work. Not once has she ever studied--not for a test, but for her own benefit--and rather she spent her time playing video games. That was all she was really good at--video games.

He zones back into the girl who’s smiling at him.

“Oh, morning.”

His palms begin to sweat again.

-

It’s lunchtime, without Takane and Ayano. Haruka and Shintaro opt to sit in the library rather than the cafeteria. They don’t speak to each other--Haruka’s staring into space; actually, maybe he’s asleep--and he’s reading. In all honesty, Shintaro isn’t really paying attention, but the words fill his head regardless.

He’d much rather be alone.

Haruka’s presence isn’t unpleasant, but at the same time--Shintaro doesn’t want it. He doesn’t like being near people; being near anyone. Yeah, it was selfish--but it was true. The comfort Shintaro found in his own loneliness felt better than the presence of other people.

It was surprising people (Ayano Tateyama) bothered to get near him. What was with her? Seriously, what made him so interesting? He wasn’t anything special if you took away his grades and his memory--he was just some normal guy that didn’t like being near people. That’s… really all it was.

In comparison, Haruka and Takane were the opposite of him and her.

Haruka was seen as friendly and outgoing--he could get along with most people, alike Ayano. Most people didn’t mind him; he was cheerful, despite having a medical condition.

However--Takane was like him. From his observations, not many people liked to be near her. They couldn’t stand her at all. In fact, the only person that _liked_ being in her presence was Haruka. Ayano simply tolerated her, and he couldn’t say much about himself in that aspect. If it weren’t for Haruka and Ayano, he’d never go near the pissed-off girl.

He looks at the time.

It’s 5 minutes to the bell, and he doubts either of them have finished. Shintaro wakes Haruka up, and packs up his things, ready to leave.

They both exit the library in silence.

-

The next day, the red scarf wearing-girl is elated to see him; her face literally glowing.

She’s glowing.

“Shintaro, hey, get this!” She’s waving her hands everywhere. “I answered every question and I even double checked! I’ve never felt so confident about a test before!”

He realises now--she’s looking for praise.

“Ah. Good job.” He says, and gives her a pat on the head. The girl makes a happy sound and follows after him into their class.

-

“Say, is it ok if we walk home together today?”

He turns to look at her. For a moment, he blanks, unsure how to respond. But after a second passes he just shrugs.

She smiles again, then continues to eat.

Takane looks sour as usual, her expression reverted back to how it’s meant to be. She’s got her latest console out and her headphones are plugged in. Haruka’s enjoying his meal while watching Takane play whatever FPS got released last week.

Shintaro’s gotten used to this boring kind of lifestyle, and yet, it doesn’t stop him from staring into space and hating every bit of it. God, what was wrong with him? Was he always this much of an asshole?

There’s not much to do but stare into space or read, and he really didn’t feel like reading today.

Simply put--he had no idea what he was doing here.

\---

It’s unsure how Shintaro Kisaragi would describe Ayano Tateyama, but for now, his response would be:

“You’re so annoying!”

A warm hand; only to be brushed off none other than him. Summer heat envelopes the atmosphere and there’s nothing he can do--everything has become nothing but a blur. The sun’s setting, and the girl next to him doesn’t look all that happy. Regardless, she smiles.

He walks a little further ahead.

He can feel her presence behind him.

He doesn’t like it.

Unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant. She pisses him off. God, he wants her to leave him alone. Those kinds of thoughts dance in his head, too close to a violent flame. No traces of regret have flickered over him, nor has the desire to look behind him.

The girl donning the red scarf doesn’t speak for the rest of the walk, even when she takes the path to her own house. Perhaps she hesitates, to stare at his back, but she still doesn’t say anything. He wouldn’t know. He isn’t looking at her. He refuses to look at her. It’s meaningless anyway. It doesn’t mean anything anyway.

She means nothing to him.

-

It’s not like he tells her to stop walking with him home, so it made sense she still did. This time she doesn’t try anything. Pure silence. The walk isn’t awkward--well, at least, not from his perspective--mainly because he’s ignoring her.

Maybe he was a little harsh yesterday, but by this point his heart can’t stop pounding just by being near her. When was the last time a girl touched him that wasn’t his family? Yikes.

Summer meant the school holidays soon, but it also meant the weather sucked. The air was alive with heat; and yet that girl continues to wear a red scarf in the middle of summer like it’s nothing. He’s never made any effort to ask, but the curiosity eats away at him.

Why’d she wear that scarf, anyway? How can she wear it in the middle of summer? Actually, what was with her and the colour red?

This time, she actually has the guts to speak when she leaves.

“I’ll be seeing you,” She smiles and waves.

“Bye.”

Damn, what a cold response.

He continues walking home.

-

It happens more and more often. They walk home together, a massive lack of conversation. He doesn’t know if they’re even enjoying each other’s company. In fact, he’s confused as to why they’re still doing this. She waits for him to finish class, and joins him walking home. Sometimes he finds himself waiting for her as well, but he has no clue why.

Shintaro stares at the weather.

It’s the middle of summer, yet, it’s pouring.

He doesn’t want to head home in this weather--and then he notices Ayano Tateyama and her frilly red umbrella. She makes eye contact with him, and then her ears begin to heat up.

“...Uh.” She swallows, and hides her face with the umbrella.

His palms are sweaty. Really, really sweaty.

“Is.. Is it alright if… I…” He forces the words to come out of his throat. “Can I share the umbrella with you.”

Ayano turns away from him, but beckons him to join her under the umbrella.

They’re a lot closer than they’d usually be walking home. Their shoulders are literally touching so they don’t get wet, and somehow he ended up holding the umbrella. Oh god. He can only imagine what they look like from another person’s perspective.

But he brushes that kind of thought off; he’d rather be like this then get completely drenched in the rain heading home.

-

The girl who wears a red scarf and matching red hair clips--her name was Ayano Tateyama. Currently, she was in a bit of a dilemma.

Maybe the word ‘dilemma’ was making light of the situation she was in.

One of her siblings needed an organ transplant--no. They needed many. And for some reason, she was a perfect fit.

Recently, one of her siblings had barely survived an accident. Most of their body was not in a good shape, and they wouldn’t live for longer than 3 days without a few transplants. She had to make a decision, and soon.

As she lay in bed one night, to think about it, for some reason--she finds herself at peace. The doctors told her that she probably wouldn’t survive for long after the transplant, which gave her quite a few ideas. More than anything, the thought of dying made her somewhat excited--it was as if dying was familiar to her.

It was weird. She loved her siblings more than herself, and the thought of not surviving afterwards just motivated her more.

Oh, jeez.

She’ll make her decision tomorrow.

-

Ayano makes eye contact with Shintaro Kisaragi. They’re about to start walking home--it’s another humid summer day. August 14th, to be exact.

She stares at his hand rather than the road in front of her.

Reaching for it, she suddenly stops herself. She can’t bring herself to do it. A hand floats in the air, and never grasps for anything. In the end, she just brings her hand back to herself. Ha, she was so brave at first. But look at her now; with uncanny reluctance and a headache from the heat.

“... I won’t go,” she whispers, not to anyone in particular. She knows he can’t hear her, he never does. But it was fine. Everything was fine. That’s how things were.

What a liar.


	2. Today

It’s the first time in his entire school experience with Ayano Tateyama that she’s ever been away. Her lack of presence is uncomforting, more so the grim atmosphere in the room. 

He wonders what’s wrong. 

But then he looks out the window.

There’s yellow tape, screaming “CAUTION” and a figure he seems to know. However, it’s drenched in blood, the surrounding is incredibly bloody and stained a fresh, bright red. Nothing but a certain clothing item is recognisable. 

It’s a red scarf.

Some of his classmates have prepared a vase of flowers; and propped it on her desk. Colour fades from his skin when he puts two and two together.

“Did you hear? Ayano Tateyama jumped off the roof early this morning.”

“Oh, God.”

He stares at her desk. It’s unpleasant, really unpleasant. More unpleasant than being near her, than being near them, than being near other people. 

The discomfort stays in the pit of his stomach.

Then he rushes to the roof. His legs have never moved faster before. Up the sets of winding stairs and past the broken lock of the door. He scans the roof, and sees a paper crane nested in the fence wires.

On one of the wings is a perfect 100, circled in red.

\---

How would anyone describe Ayano Tateyama?

Dead.

The girl was long dead.


	3. Tomorrow

A lone man sits in his room, staring idly at his computer screen. He’s been composing the same song for a few days now, and he’s starting to get bored.

It’s been a while since he’s moved in general.

Actually, he hasn’t left his room since the death of his classmate. It feels like such a long time ago, yet it also feels like it was just yesterday.

For the past year or so, he’s been wondering what she meant to him. A friend? A good friend? Simply, a classmate?

But he can’t get a certain thought out of his mind.

_Maybe I liked her._

And it’s uncanny. He’s tried so hard to keep his distance, no strings attached. But everyday, at least once, her name pops into his head.

He doesn’t know why she did it. He doesn’t know why she died. He doesn’t understand in the slightest.

It’s still a mystery to him.

The days where they walked home together continue to repeat in his head. He can’t forget the warmth of her hand or the heat of the summer daze.

And so, he hates himself for it. He can’t do anything at all once she’s gone.

He knows now that she definitely meant something to him.

But by now, it’s far too late.


End file.
